A finger up the bum?? It all sounds very foreign to me….
Ever wondered about getting a prostate massage, ever regretted not trying it? We spoke to three men in their 70’s who had never had a prostate massage before but were willing to give it a go!
Generation X, Generation Z, millennials…all these groups have a different relationship with sex than the generations that came before. The older generations may have made it through the swinging 60’s and of the 70’s sexual liberation movement but they’ve got nothing on generation porn. And with eastern philosophies of sex now finely interwebbed in modern culture, the sexual movement has grown up in leaps and bounds, people nowadays don’t bat an eye lid at the idea of bondage, domination and submission, tantra, prostate… never mind kama sutra, the modern generation are willing to stick their fingers in any holes under the pretence of sexual pleasure.
So we decided to talk to three men in their 60s to get their take on modern sex and find out whether they would dabble in new age fun…
First off we spoke to Terry, 72, Sussex, retired civil servant.
Q: So terry, how would you describe your sex life?
A: Well are we talking about now or back in the day?
Q: Let’s start with now
A: Oh pretty none existent I’d say, I’ll be lucky to get a fumble on my birthday, my wifes been talking about getting separate beds.
Q: And how about back in the day?
A: Before I met my wife I was set to marry another woman. We had been together for a year and it was all very well but we had never got further than kissing and one night I said to her, you know how about we have ourselves a rehearsal- so we did, in the back of her dads car. It was only after that she said she didn’t love me. I think sex can be important like that, helps you figure out what you really want, all the other deciding factors melt away and it’s just that. I mean the new generations they’re lucky, I knew couples that got married and had houses bought, leases agreed, and when they finally got under the covers they realised there was nothing there! And that was that for some of them, a sexless marriage.
Q: did you and your wife ever dabble in any experimental, “new age” sexual fun?
A: Erh, well I mean we’ve done it in plenty of places, in a Jacuzzi once; well not the whole way but we did stuff In a Jacuzzi. Let me think, um, oh yea her sister, my wifes sister she bought her a vibrator pen thingy one year for her birthday, so we had a go using that but it didn’t really do anything for us, it was too loud! She said it was like she was getting surgery down there- not very sexy that is it…
Q: Are you happy with how your sexual life has panned out or do you regret there was less excitement?
A: Aye, like I say, the kids nowadays they have all the fun, sleeping with who which whatever they want to. Even when they’re married they’re seeing people on the side, together, as a couple! I regret that I’ve never had a threesome maybe.
Q: have you ever thought about your prostate?
A: Can’t say I have, to be honest with you, I mean I always thought that was for the gays. You know.
Q: do you know about the benefits of prostate milking?
A: No, can’t say I do.
Q: in the same way that a woman gets sexual pleasure from the massaging of her clitoris, a man gets gratification from his prostate gland. Once massaged, the male G spot, as it’s called sends waves of pleasure throughout the male body, causing said man to have an orgasmic experience far more powerful than anything he could have experienced before.
A: you’ve gotta be kidding me. Are you sure that’s not just the gays?
Q: No all men experience sexual pleasure from having their prostate massage.
A: fascinating. Seems as though I’ve missed a trick there, ain’t I? My whole life..
Q: Would you be interested in trying a prostate massage today? We’ll check in with you later to see how it went.
Next up we spoke to Billy, 70, mechanic, semi-retired.
Unlike Terry, Bill felt the full blow of the 70’s sexual revolution period; he’s had more threesomes than my nans had cuppa soups (a lot.)
Q: So tell us Billy, how would you summarise your sex life?
A: I’ve had my fair share of women, I have.
Q: Where you a ladies man back in the day?
A: I’m a ladies man now.
Q: what I mean is where you a heart throb, did the girls get with you because of your looks or was it because of your performance in the bedroom?
A: Bit of both I suppose.
Q: Where did you learn about sex and what to do?
A: well we didn’t have the easy access to porn you have nowadays, I don’t know. I guess through mates, you know the way lads talk.
Q: Did you ever discuss prostate milking?
A: No never heard of it.
Q: to hit the male G spot you have to insert a finger into the anus and in doing so reach the prostate gland, there upon massaging, the male will experience orgasmic pleasure not far removed to what females experience when they orgasm.
A: wow, so the male clit is in your bum hole? When did they discover this, you think this would be in all the papers or something.
Q: would you like to try it for yourself? We’ll catch up with you later to see how you got on.
Finally we spoke to Eric, Cornwall, 76, bookkeeper/ barman.
Q: what do you know about prostate massage?
A: what bum fun? Back when I was in the navy we used to have an awful lot of bum fun, course it wasn’t a gay thing.
Q: did you massage each other’s prostates before anal sex?
A: I can’t say we did, we would lard them up like- there wasn’t any lube or anything back then.
Q: would you like to have a prostate massage? On the condition you will let us know how it goes?
A: Sure yeah.
Terry, 72, Sussex, retired civil servant.
I’ve got to say, when I walked in there I suddenly felt very nervous about the state of my bum hole, I’d never felt embarrassed about it before- I wonder if it’s anything like women feel about their vagina! – (don’t think I’ll ask the wife!) the massage itself… it was, pretty darn something actually. At first I didn’t feel anything and then suddenly there was this euphoric pleasurable sensation washing over me. I felt amazing, like a newborn baby and the strongest man on earth all at the same time. I would absolutely recommend it; I’ve not felt that good in a long time, maybe ever… I feel like I’ve wasted so much time not having my prostate milked!
Billy, 70, Birmingham, mechanic, semi-retired.
I howled like a wolf! My oh my, can I get another? That took ten years off my life! What have I been missing…
Eric, Geordie, 76, bookkeeper/ barman.
Aye, it was canny, aye. Champion.
Well says it all really doesn’t it? So go get yourself a prostate massage and don’t wait until you’re in your 70’s if you can help it!