Lingam?? Isn’t that a type of pasta?

– Erotic massage; a world shrouded in mystery and delight!

This week on the World Wide Web we have asked four volunteers- four anonymous service users who have tried and tested our lingam massage to give an insight as to what one should suspect when getting a lingam massage. We didn’t give much of a brief, this enabled our anonymous service users to really open up and tell the general public stuff they think they might want to know. We have left the transcripts in their original form to support authenticity. So expect to find summaries of what lingam massage is like, a couple of do’s and don’ts and some words of advice for first timers. So what’re we waiting for? Let’s get started…


Lingam massage.



I had my first ever lingam massage about 18 months ago. That’s perhaps not too long ago but long enough ago for you to maybe question my authority on the matter- I will stop you there, as rest assured, after my first lingam massage I have returned to the parlour to have said service over 30 times. I’ve never experienced anything like it. I’ve experienced other styles of erotic massage before but for the most part these services involve a lot of teasing and not very much action- with lingam massage your masseuse is straight in there. Lingam means penis and your penis is given a lot, I mean a lot of attention during this service.



Lingam massage comes from India I think, part of Hindu culture. The original lingam ceremony was all about worshipping the penis- I mean how much of that do you see in 2018 eh?



I would compare a lingam massage to flicking a happy switch. Whenever I’m feeling down, not like a little down but like really down, I’ll go get a lingam massage. It’s the perfect pick me up. The massage loosens my joints, warms up my muscles and the erotic part feels amazing but really sorts my head out too- gives me the spring back in my step.



Imagine a musician who really, truly knows how to play their instrument- they know it inside and out, they’d play it with their eyes closed- only they wouldn’t do that… why? Because they respect their instrument too much, it’s this respect, a sort of worship they have for their instrument that makes them such great performers every time. Now considering this think about a blow job, your partner might give alright blowjobs, they might’ve got better but the truth is they aren’t an expert. Watching them perform a blow job is like watching them learn a song on a ukulele- it’s kinda cute and everything but it won’t blow your mind. Getting a trained erotic masseuse to give you a lingam massage will make your blow job an orchestral event!



Lingam massage never disappoints, I think that’s the main thing I wanna say about it. Unless you do something to take yourself out of the blissful bubble… like one time I went for a couple of pints before my massage. At the time I thought it was a great idea. My sex drive was pretty low and I was feeling tired, I was worried I wouldn’t get aroused quick enough and wouldn’t be able to perform. It was a stupid mistake; I couldn’t relax because I was a bit pissed and then had to run to the toilet fifteen minutes before the end cuz I was busting. Really wasn’t worth it, as soon as that gentle angle touched the back of my neck with her soft delicate fingers I knew I needed no drink in the land! So yea- word of advice; go sober, go the toilet before your session and don’t stress over it beforehand. Just go, you’ll thank me I swear.



If I were to give myself advice- first timer me that is- I suppose I would say…. Oh first off I would say shower before! Even if you’ve just come from work, there will be shower facilities available at the parlour which you can use free of charge. I say this because one time I went and it was a really hot day and I was shall we say a little sticky. The smell must have been shielded by my clothes because as soon as they were off this terrible smell just erupted from my pours. I felt so terrible for the poor girl but by that point there was nothing I could do! I did still manage to have a good time but I swore to myself afterwards that I would always endeavour to be cleaned. Just good manners isn’t it? But saying that I’d also recommend you get a soapy a shower sometime- this is where you have a soapy naked rub down in the shower with your masseuse prior to your massage. Not only will you get clean but it’s a great way to get up close and personal at the beginning of the session.


Out of ten: Lingam Massage?

62DeclanH: 10 out of 10… it’s gotta be!

Crux606: 10.01 – can’t fault it, I can’t!

Thehappygiant2: 10, always a pleasure.


Tune in next time when we’ll be getting all up in Four Hands business! If you like the idea of getting your own Lingam massage with a beauitful Oriental masseuse.  Have a look at our Asian Lingam massage page for London. Or give us a call on 02031891731